Hilarious Things Overheard on Planes
Travel is about adventure, discovery, getting away from it all — and being thrown into close quarters with total strangers on a flight, so you can listen in on the ridiculous things they have to say.
When you're on a plane and you hear people make a fuss about their allergy to chicken that isn’t free-range, or explain how much they prefer their dog to their husband, it can take all you have not to laugh out loud — while marveling at the magnificent absurdities of human nature.
We went to Twitter to find the most ridiculous, hilarious things people have overheard on planes. When you hear something that funny, you gotta share it with the world, right?
Well, hopefully, the same place as you’re heading?
Is this where you realize you got on the wrong flight? That would make for a funny story.
Ah, the lengths kids will go to weasel out of a nap. You really have to respect the hustle.
You Know, That Guy Kennedy
Oh, do you mean the 35th president of the United States whose assassination was one of the biggest stories in all of American history?
Never heard of him.
...Or maybe he meant some different random dude named Kennedy?
Someone once told us “novinophobia” is the (totally made up) fear of running out of wine and clearly this lady has it. We’ll have what she’s having.
Forget reflecting on the life you've lived. This lady knows what's important.
Allergic to Nonsense
Ah, yes, we’ve heard of this (totally bogus) allergic reaction to chicken that isn’t free range. It’s called being a picky eater. And newsflash: You can’t be a picky eater on a plane!
Cloudy With a Chance of Huh
You get stuck in the cloud and never come out!
Might be best to stick to two Baileys max, then.
That Doesn't Sound Good
Wonder what this is about? Actually, come to think of it...we don't want to know.
Birds and the Bees
Well this just got awkward.
So There IS Such a Thing as a Bad Question
Nope. No. Absolutely not. Nuh-uh. Just no.
The Man Has a Point
We’ve seen this as a meme before, but are loving that someone said it out loud.
It will always have some truth to it.
If vegetarians are taking over the world, then why did the plane run out of meat options? Hmm, seems like more people wanted meat than veg, mister. Vegeterrorism is no longer a threat.
If that’s what you’re going for…then sure!
So It’s One of Those Days…
Typically, “on the rocks” means “on ice,” but this person must be having a day.
We’ll have a dirty martini. Hold the olive juice.
As a matter of fact, yes. We know a bunch of females who are about to go crazy on you for asking this absurdly insulting question.
…That’s what she said.
Do you think she knows how to meme?
Ain’t that the truth. Dogs over people, amirite? Kidding! (But not really.)
There’s nothing like coming home to a happy pup bouncing up and down at your feet. It makes you feel loved. Husbands, on the other hand? They don't get nearly excited enough.
Four words you never, ever want to have to utter, not just on a plane, but anywhere...
Alcohol definitely makes people loose (and chatty) — which could be a good or bad thing during a flight. Lucky it worked out for these two. Someone get these ladies another drink!
This is our (and everybody's?) worst nightmare: to sit next to a screaming baby during a flight. Let’s hope this guy made it through with his sanity intact. He probably won’t want children after this flight.
Is This a Plane or a Cruise Ship?
We much prefer an actual cruise to a plane that crashes into the water and becomes a cruise. But to each their own.
Please Fasten Your Seatbelts for Takeoff
We’d rather not think about how a 487-ton aircraft races down the runway and launches itself into the air. But for real though, how does it do that? Something about aerodynamics and gravity. It’s mind-boggling. It’s also unsettling when the cabin crew addresses it…
Other common office phrases we hate: “playing hardball,” “low hanging fruit” and “run the idea up the flagpole.” Would you like us to continue with the “deliverables”?
Office talk can be irritating and archaic. “We must move the needle” or “outsource” our options. Ugh.
What Doesn’t Happen in Vegas…
Fun fact: Zion National Park is actually Utah’s first national park. If you’re lucky, you can spot an endangered California Condor there. It’s also home to coyotes, cougars and foxes. And it’s just about a 2.5-hour drive from Sin City.
Not everyone who visits the Vegas area is a total hedonist!
This is Going Be an Educational Plane Ride
Apparently, even noise-canceling headphones can’t distract someone from a conversation about a swingers club. It’s just too juicy to miss out on.
He must have pissed off the wrong girl. Now we can’t stop thinking about him not being able to think about her who’s not thinking of him.
Airbnb Makes us Anxious
Here’s a question: What exactly is a #HotProblem? A problem only hot people experience? A problem someone has a hot take on?
We are intrigued. And confused.
Nonetheless, it’s understandable how the thought of arranging key swaps with your Airbnb host could make one anxious. More anxious than flying? That’s debatable.
Please Remember to Take All Your Belongings with You
Actually, would the person who left the ukelele please play us a tune?
Play Games on Your Own Phone
If anything, wouldn’t you want to claim a high score as your own and keep playing the game? This person is way too noble.
Winning is everything.
Hurry up to get to the airport, then wait in a security line.
Hurry up to get to the gate, then wait to board.
Hurry up to get off the flight, then wait for a ride to the hotel.
What a formula...
The Real World Sucks
Who doesn't hate returning to the real world after a vacation? No more R&R, no more respite from the 9-to-5 grind, no more thrilling discovery of a new place — and, most importantly, no more listening in on the absurd things people say on a plane when they think no one is listening.
The Discipline of Fasting
Maybe it was a keto fast?
Halle Berry, Are You There?
And for that matter — let's go ahead and turn off anyone else with an Academy Award, too!
Hmm, $250 for fancy noise-cancelling headphones is starting to sound like a bargain.
We Don't Serve Horse
In-flight meals often get a bad rap, but they're not this bad.
What's for Breakfast?
Early risers reap many benefits.
Emotional Support Chicken
Emotional support animals are typically dogs, but let's not make a sandwich out of one of those.
Now we really want to hear the full story...
A Clever Comeback
Let's face it — clever comebacks often surface an hour too late.
Just Being Honest
Sometimes the truth hurts.
Yes, Yes They Are...
Is dating dead? Maybe...
Wine to the Rescue